Struggling with a Loss

On October 23 my friend Franco passed away. I have been struggling with processing this loss. We were really close from around our middle school years until around our early twenties. We didn't have a falling out. We mostly just lost touch of each other over the years. Our interactions eventually became a few messages here and there on social media.

I'm having issues with processing this loss because I feel like I don't deserve to mourn his loss. We have mutual friends who were closer to him in later years. I feel like they earned the right to mourn him more than I did. It sounds odd, I know. It feels odd for me as well. I feel huge sadness, but at the same time, I feel like: do I deserve to feel sad?

Recently, a friend of mine from that time whom I am closer to now called to see if I was okay after learning Franco passed away. He said, "I know you two were close." I remember replying something like that we were close when we were younger, but not so much recently. He said something in response that I'm still thinking over nearly a week and a half later, "That doesn't take away from the fact that you were friends. Everything you guys went through together still happened."

I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm still trying to make sense of things myself. I suppose it all comes down to this: How do I honor my friend, without feeling like I am overstepping? Not sure I'll ever get an answer. I'll update this post at a later time if I ever figure things out.

A Different Kind of Celebration of Life

About a week ago, a friend of mine called and asked me to come to his father’s celebration of life. My heart sank at those words. The term celebration of life is normally used to describe an event held to honor the life of someone who has passed away. However, in this case, his father is incredibly ill but very much alive. He said he wanted to throw a huge party and give everyone the chance to show their love and appreciation for his father while he is alive — I suppose you could call it a pre-celebration of life.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was one of the most beautiful events I have ever been to. Hundreds of people came out to join us. I’m not surprised so many people came out to be a part of this different type of celebration of life. Uncle Nunu is a beloved member of the community. He has touched the lives of countless people over the last 80 years of his life. His children have also touched the lives of many others. It seemed like everyone who ever had the privilege of knowing this family in any way showed up yesterday.

Many of them came to speak with Uncle Nunu one more time. Many, like me, hadn’t seen him over the last couple of years as much we would have liked. Many of us took the time to show love and appreciation for someone who has done so much for everybody, without ever asking for anything in return. Of course, like any party my friend has ever thrown, it was huge. There was a ton of food and live music playing. It was everything a celebration of life should be, and so much more.

A celebration of life for a living person turned out to be an exceptionally fitting event for a person who has always told us this one particular thing for as long as I can remember. He has always said to not just love everyone, but be sure to tell the people in your life that you love them every day. If you give love and show love every day, you get to live a little piece of heaven every day. It will be beautiful, and you can live a little piece of heaven every day of your life. Love everyone while they are here, and make sure you show them.