Playing through the pain

This past week I had the opportunity to talk to a few young people about dealing with the inevitable hurts one encounters in life. One of the things every human being has in common is that we have all been hurt by someone in our lives. I wish it were not so, but being hurt by someone at some point in life is unavoidable.

What I was talking with these young folks about was how you deal with the hurt and live your life. We all change as a result of being hurt. However, I wanted them to understand that it is important to change for the better. It's too easy to change for the worst, and that is no way to live your life. For instance, when someone lies to us, it's to easy to decide to never trust anyone ever again. Now, let me be clear, I can completely understand when someone chooses to never trust again, but it is not a healthy way to live.

In professional sports, athletes often talk about playing through the pain; meaning, they have all been hurt at some point, but they make the effort to play at their best anyway. We will all be hurt at some point in life, but we must continue to do our best to live life to the fullest. If we do not, we risk becoming the hurt, angry, jaded version of ourselves who would rather shut the world out than risk being hurt again, and that's no way to live your life. We cannot completely avoid being hurt, but we can control how we react to the hurt. Never give anyone who has hurt you that much control over your life.

I often wonder how many opportunities we miss in life as a result of being hurt. I wonder how many dreams die for fear of being hurt again. I worry that far too many people choose to isolate themselves from the world rather than live, because they don't want to ever let anyone in. I'm not saying let people walk all over you; no, never do that, but you should make every effort to move forward and live the best life possible, even when you feel like you're not sure you can. We only get one shot at this thing called life, so live as full of one as possible.

Anyway, these are my thoughts this week. Take care, my friends. Have a wonderful week!

Forgiveness is divine, but it sure is difficult

I'm sure you have all heard the old saying, "To err is human; to forgive, divine," by Alexander Pope. Basically, this phrase means we all make mistakes, so we should also be willing to forgive others. I believe this to be true, of course. However, in all honesty, I can admit that forgiving others is not my strong suit. I'm working on it, but I still have a long way to go.

I've been thinking about this phrase over the last few weeks. I know I am supposed to forgive others, but sometimes I forget. I know what you are thinking. Yes, I work in ministry, so I should know better. I'll let you in on a little secret: ministers are just like everybody else. We are all a work in progress. We all make mistakes. I, too, am prone to holding grudges for a little while.

Now, as to why I'm writing this post. A few months ago, I tried to help a family member out with a money problem--major red flag. Anyway, I tried to help her out, but things went wrong very quickly once greed came into play. Needless to say, I did my best to see things through, but at great personal cost. Not only did she try to rip me off, but when that didn't work, she resorted to insulting me and making slanderous comments about me and anyone who was not on her side. I got angry, very angry, angry in a way that I did not think I could get anymore, which was scary.

I felt the best course of action was to not talk to this person any longer. Our business concluded, and I felt much better not having to talk to this person. Unfortunately, you can't avoid people forever. Two weeks ago, I had to attend a family party with this person. She did not talk to anyone, and no one made any effort to talk to her. I thought this would make me feel better, but I actually felt worse, so I went ahead and talked to her. I chose to forgive and move on, and you know what, it made me feel a whole lot better. I felt free; in fact, I still feel free: free of negativity, free of the burden of holding a grudge, and free of anger.

When I work in ministry, I often have to remind people about forgiveness. We have been forgiven; therefore, we must learn to forgive others. In most cases, the major issue people have with forgiving others is that they believe they have a right to hold on to their anger, resentment, and/or hatred of the person who wronged them. The problem is that holding on to those negative feelings often does more harm to the person holding on to them than the person those feelings are directed toward. Hanging on to negativity like that will eventually take their toll on a person. If you can forgive others, then you can let go of all that negativity. In this way, you are free; free of the burden of carrying around all that negativity.

I think we tend to get too caught up in thinking that forgiveness only benefits the other person in some way. A lot of people worry that if we forgive someone who wronged us, then it's like we are saying it's okay for people to treat us that way. This is not true at all. It really does takes a bigger person to forgive. The bigger person is the one that understands that forgiving the person who wronged them is way better than having to carry around all of that negative baggage. A person who can forgive others truly experiences the divine nature of forgiveness because a person who can forgive knows what it really means to be free.