I've been thinking about a recent conversation I had with a friend. We were talking about working with people - lately, I have been helping a few close friends work through some of the most difficult situations any person could ever go through. This friend of mine mentioned how he could never do the kind of work I do because he could never think of the right things to say in any of those situations.
I was flattered that he thought so highly of me, but I had to tell him: most of the time, there are no right words to say. There are no words that will make it all better. Sometimes things are so bad that there is nothing to say at all. Sometimes speaking will only make the pain worse. In these instances, attempting to offer the right words to someone may be the worse thing you can do.
"So, what do you do?" he asked. More often than not, just being there is enough. Sometimes all a person needs or wants is a shoulder to cry on, and I am more than willing to offer the two that I possess. In many cases, listening is of much greater importance than speaking. You might not know the right words to say, but you can always listen. We also have arms that can hold a person, pat a person on the back, or offer a consoling hug, which can be a lot more comforting than having the right words to say.
I also believe your heart has to be in the right place. People can tell if you really have a heart for them or if you are just acting like you care. At my church, we often say: "we celebrate with those who are celebrating, weep with those who are weeping, and mourn with those who are mourning. We live life together, both the highs and the lows." That is the way I deal with everyone in my life. You have to have a heart for people, or you are really doing more damage than good.
I wish I had the right words to say to fix any situation in life. The fact is: I don't; no one does. Don't let that deter you from helping people. I can't tell you how many times someone has told me, "Thanks for being there." I can tell you exactly how many times someone has told me thanks for having exactly the right words to say: zero. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to check out this post. Have a wonderful week everyone!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Sunday, May 4, 2014
The last few weeks have left me feeling like a bundle of mixed emotions. To say they were difficult does not even scratch the surface. I had wonderful opportunities to speak with old friends, one whom I have known for over twenty years. Unfortunately, my old friends were dealing with some of the worst possible things in their lives. In fact, in one case, it was the worst I have ever heard.
Dealing with such issues is a joy and a burden. I am always glad to help, even if all they need is someone to talk to. I would never turn any of them away. On the flip side of that coin, I am often left feeling traumatized from the experience. Sometimes it takes a while for me to work through everything in my own head.
Of all the tools I have, I find music to be one of the most therapeutic. There is something about music that is absolutely healing. As I was pondering this, I received the meme I posted above. Music really does have the power to help in a way that nothing else does. So, music is where I turned to this past weekend.
I took some time to listen to and enjoy some of the music we enjoyed in the 90's. I took some time to enjoy the memories the songs brought up of better days. You know what, it really helps. Few things in the world help me through the dark times the way music does. I'm going to post a couple of the songs I have been listening to below. Many of you will crack up at my choice of songs this particular time, but I just want you to see that I wasn't listening to classical, new age, or any other type of music that one might associate with this type of endeavor.
This is just something I wanted to share with you all. I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this. Please take a moment to comment, and tell me what kind of music or songs help you through the rough patches. I'd love to hear from you. Have a wonderful week, everybody!
Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
Cracker - Low