Some things that have been happening recently have me thinking about my experience at a Christian conference I attended not too long ago.
During one of the breakout sessions, I went to hear a speaker named Josh Urich speak on Reaching Millennials in an Age of Unbelief. I enjoyed the talk. He offered a lot of advice and techniques for reaching a largely atheist population. I believe the approach he presented was good. They were techniques I already employ which really validated my own thoughts and approach to reaching atheists. However, I also found something during his talk that continues to be a problem among the Christian population: the need to argue.
The main point Mr. Urich presented early on was to not argue. There is no point in arguing with an atheist. You cannot argue truth, facts, or opinions and expect to win. You can’t debate science versus creation. Even if you do happen to “win,” you still lose. No one ever became a Christian because they lost an argument. I, among many others, know this to be true. Unfortunately, during question and answer time of this session, this is exactly what happened. Several members of the audience felt compelled to argue their points. As is the case many times when Christians are told not to argue, they immediately begin to argue.
I find this strange because we were all there to learn about reaching a generation of individuals that hate the church, yet some members of the audience felt the need to be defensive. Mind you, none of them offered anything that would help anyone else reach, well, anyone. I wanted to encourage the group and Mr. Urich by validating what he said with my own experience, but the arguers dominated the conversation from that point on. Personally, I left the room when the arguments turned to blaming and finger-pointing instead of productive dialogue.
With this message, I want to discuss what has worked for me in reaching an atheist. This is what I would of talked about during the session had I been given the chance. Of course it begins with the very first point presented at the session: do not argue. Arguing never works. I don’t claim to have all the answers, and my approach only worked once so far, but I can tell you that my friend, who was once an atheist, is now a believer. I figure reaching one atheist is still better than none. Also, there are no quick fixes. It took 10 years for my friend to become a believer.
When I met Kyle (in order to maintain his privacy his has been changed) he had been an atheist most of his life. He hated the church with a passion. He would often say things like, “If God exists let him strike me down right now, or now, or now.” One time I was nearby when a holier than thou type of Christian decided to tell him that he was going to hell for talking about God like that. His response, “I hope so. Who would want to go to heaven if they have to be around people like you forever?” For whatever reason, we still became friends. I used to train in martial arts, and he loved martial arts, so that was our connection early on. We would watch fights on television and talk about great matches from the past. I found out about his hate for the church when I wore a cross to his house one day. He literally looked at me like I had committed a crime. The first words out of his mouth were, “Why are you wearing that crap around your neck?”
After explaining to him that I worked at a church, he calmly stated that he was an atheist, and we moved on. We remained friends, and even became really good friends over time. However, from time-to-time he would have something negative to say about the church, and we would talk about it a little, and then move on before a larger argument could occur. It turned out we had similar dislikes about the things he would find about so-called “believers.” For instance, I do not condone the actions of the Westboro Baptist Church, which was easy for us to agree upon.
Occasionally, he would bring up something like dinosaurs versus creationism. In response, I would usually say you know, “to God a thousand years is like a day and a day is like a thousand years.” It also helped that I actually liked dinosaurs and science, so there were things we could talk about. It didn’t have to be an argument. The point is that I never argued with him. Sometimes he would go on long rants and tirades on social media about his hate for God and the various churches, but I would never engage him. There was no reason to. There’s no reason to engage in an argument or debate with any atheist, especially when they are just trying to make you angry.
After a couple of years, one day he was at my house, and we were having one of our small discussions about churches and such, mostly because I’ve always worked at or been a part of one. At the end, he said, “Maybe there is a God, but his followers suck.” To which I replied, “Yeah, a lot of them do.” This became the only real argument I ever won in any of our discussions. After that, he helped me write a sermon one time. I included him as an example in a bunch after that. He always said he didn’t mind, as long as he never had to physically be a part of it. He even watched me preach in a rebroadcast of one of our church’s services. He told me afterward that he thought it was pretty good.
Throughout the years he would still need to vent or rant about things he didn’t like. I would find small opportunities to answer his questions or add one of my thoughts about scripture or theology. No matter what: we would move on. Our talks were always civil and no one blew up over any of the subjects we ever talked about. You don’t destroy a relationship over a disagreement. At some point, you just have to say, “I’m not here to argue with you about it.” If you can’t let it go and move on, then chances are you cannot remain friends.
Fast forward to today. He moved away a couple of years ago, so we do not talk as much. He came home to celebrate his son’s first birthday about a month ago. It was like no time passed at all, except for one major change. When no one else was around he pulled me aside to talk about something. He wanted me to know that he now believed in God. He had a God moment. Something had happened that he firmly believed could not have been anything but God.
He said at a bad time in his life he prayed and God answered; therefore, he would honor his promise to God and accept Jesus Christ. He just thought I should know, since I had put up with him all those years. All praise, honor, and glory goes to God for this victory. I always believed he would come around one day. God had a plan for him all along. All I had to do was stay the course and be there for my friend.
In the end, it’s all relational. We need to form genuine relationships and show God’s love and grace through our actions. It can’t be about winning arguments. Arguments and debates will never produce a positive outcome. I know many of us still believe we can somehow argue, debate, or steamroll people into accepting Jesus. It doesn’t work that way. God is already working on hearts. We just need to stay the course and be there to love them along the way. Regardless of their beliefs, God does indeed love them all, and we should too.
