This past week I had the opportunity to talk to a few young people about dealing with the inevitable hurts one encounters in life. One of the things every human being has in common is that we have all been hurt by someone in our lives. I wish it were not so, but being hurt by someone at some point in life is unavoidable.
What I was talking with these young folks about was how you deal with the hurt and live your life. We all change as a result of being hurt. However, I wanted them to understand that it is important to change for the better. It's too easy to change for the worst, and that is no way to live your life. For instance, when someone lies to us, it's to easy to decide to never trust anyone ever again. Now, let me be clear, I can completely understand when someone chooses to never trust again, but it is not a healthy way to live.
In professional sports, athletes often talk about playing through the pain; meaning, they have all been hurt at some point, but they make the effort to play at their best anyway. We will all be hurt at some point in life, but we must continue to do our best to live life to the fullest. If we do not, we risk becoming the hurt, angry, jaded version of ourselves who would rather shut the world out than risk being hurt again, and that's no way to live your life. We cannot completely avoid being hurt, but we can control how we react to the hurt. Never give anyone who has hurt you that much control over your life.
I often wonder how many opportunities we miss in life as a result of being hurt. I wonder how many dreams die for fear of being hurt again. I worry that far too many people choose to isolate themselves from the world rather than live, because they don't want to ever let anyone in. I'm not saying let people walk all over you; no, never do that, but you should make every effort to move forward and live the best life possible, even when you feel like you're not sure you can. We only get one shot at this thing called life, so live as full of one as possible.
Anyway, these are my thoughts this week. Take care, my friends. Have a wonderful week!
Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Forgiveness is divine, but it sure is difficult
I'm sure you have all heard the old saying, "To err is human; to forgive, divine," by Alexander Pope. Basically, this phrase means we all make mistakes, so we should also be willing to forgive others. I believe this to be true, of course. However, in all honesty, I can admit that forgiving others is not my strong suit. I'm working on it, but I still have a long way to go.
I've been thinking about this phrase over the last few weeks. I know I am supposed to forgive others, but sometimes I forget. I know what you are thinking. Yes, I work in ministry, so I should know better. I'll let you in on a little secret: ministers are just like everybody else. We are all a work in progress. We all make mistakes. I, too, am prone to holding grudges for a little while.
Now, as to why I'm writing this post. A few months ago, I tried to help a family member out with a money problem--major red flag. Anyway, I tried to help her out, but things went wrong very quickly once greed came into play. Needless to say, I did my best to see things through, but at great personal cost. Not only did she try to rip me off, but when that didn't work, she resorted to insulting me and making slanderous comments about me and anyone who was not on her side. I got angry, very angry, angry in a way that I did not think I could get anymore, which was scary.
I felt the best course of action was to not talk to this person any longer. Our business concluded, and I felt much better not having to talk to this person. Unfortunately, you can't avoid people forever. Two weeks ago, I had to attend a family party with this person. She did not talk to anyone, and no one made any effort to talk to her. I thought this would make me feel better, but I actually felt worse, so I went ahead and talked to her. I chose to forgive and move on, and you know what, it made me feel a whole lot better. I felt free; in fact, I still feel free: free of negativity, free of the burden of holding a grudge, and free of anger.
When I work in ministry, I often have to remind people about forgiveness. We have been forgiven; therefore, we must learn to forgive others. In most cases, the major issue people have with forgiving others is that they believe they have a right to hold on to their anger, resentment, and/or hatred of the person who wronged them. The problem is that holding on to those negative feelings often does more harm to the person holding on to them than the person those feelings are directed toward. Hanging on to negativity like that will eventually take their toll on a person. If you can forgive others, then you can let go of all that negativity. In this way, you are free; free of the burden of carrying around all that negativity.
I think we tend to get too caught up in thinking that forgiveness only benefits the other person in some way. A lot of people worry that if we forgive someone who wronged us, then it's like we are saying it's okay for people to treat us that way. This is not true at all. It really does takes a bigger person to forgive. The bigger person is the one that understands that forgiving the person who wronged them is way better than having to carry around all of that negative baggage. A person who can forgive others truly experiences the divine nature of forgiveness because a person who can forgive knows what it really means to be free.
I've been thinking about this phrase over the last few weeks. I know I am supposed to forgive others, but sometimes I forget. I know what you are thinking. Yes, I work in ministry, so I should know better. I'll let you in on a little secret: ministers are just like everybody else. We are all a work in progress. We all make mistakes. I, too, am prone to holding grudges for a little while.
Now, as to why I'm writing this post. A few months ago, I tried to help a family member out with a money problem--major red flag. Anyway, I tried to help her out, but things went wrong very quickly once greed came into play. Needless to say, I did my best to see things through, but at great personal cost. Not only did she try to rip me off, but when that didn't work, she resorted to insulting me and making slanderous comments about me and anyone who was not on her side. I got angry, very angry, angry in a way that I did not think I could get anymore, which was scary.
I felt the best course of action was to not talk to this person any longer. Our business concluded, and I felt much better not having to talk to this person. Unfortunately, you can't avoid people forever. Two weeks ago, I had to attend a family party with this person. She did not talk to anyone, and no one made any effort to talk to her. I thought this would make me feel better, but I actually felt worse, so I went ahead and talked to her. I chose to forgive and move on, and you know what, it made me feel a whole lot better. I felt free; in fact, I still feel free: free of negativity, free of the burden of holding a grudge, and free of anger.
When I work in ministry, I often have to remind people about forgiveness. We have been forgiven; therefore, we must learn to forgive others. In most cases, the major issue people have with forgiving others is that they believe they have a right to hold on to their anger, resentment, and/or hatred of the person who wronged them. The problem is that holding on to those negative feelings often does more harm to the person holding on to them than the person those feelings are directed toward. Hanging on to negativity like that will eventually take their toll on a person. If you can forgive others, then you can let go of all that negativity. In this way, you are free; free of the burden of carrying around all that negativity.
I think we tend to get too caught up in thinking that forgiveness only benefits the other person in some way. A lot of people worry that if we forgive someone who wronged us, then it's like we are saying it's okay for people to treat us that way. This is not true at all. It really does takes a bigger person to forgive. The bigger person is the one that understands that forgiving the person who wronged them is way better than having to carry around all of that negative baggage. A person who can forgive others truly experiences the divine nature of forgiveness because a person who can forgive knows what it really means to be free.
Monday, March 25, 2013
A short trip into my dark past
This weekend has been upsetting yet still edifying. For me, this whole weekend has been a reminder of my past, which--for those who know me well--is generally not a good thing. Everything I have watched on television, heard on the radio, or read in a book brought up memories of my past. I wish I could say it was a completely happy experience, but that's just not possible with my particular background. However, the lesson I learned is that I need to visit some really dark parts of my past in order to work through them and share the experience with others. Moreover, at this point and time, I have the strength to do so, whereas in the past I could not say the same. I can even look back at some of the crazier things in my past and see the good that came out of it, and in a very few cases, I feel happy. The past does not define me, and while this may sound like a cliche, my experiences have made me the person I am today, so I would not change a thing.
Let me state something important here: this kind of thinking was not a possibility for me 10 or 15 years ago. Being in my own mind for more than 10 seconds or so would have been way too much for me to handle. In fact, an experience like the one I had this weekend would have probably driven me completely insane, or worse. For a very long time, I just did not feel like there was any hope for me. I had lived such a messed up life that I felt like that was all there was left. Gangs, drugs, violence, the loss of people in my life, desperation to live a different life, and the lack of hope were just too much. I could be out partying it up with my friends, and if a stray memory made its way in there for even a second, things would take a turn for the worse. I would either flip out, pick a fight with someone, or end up fighting with myself--a fight I have never won. Trust me; when you beat yourself up, no one emerges a winner. Now I look back, and I see how my experiences can be used to benefit others: see me in my brokenness, and see how my life has been redeemed. There really is a bright side, things do change, and you always have the opportunity to do something amazing with your life.
Over time I hope to share more with you, so you too can see that no obstacle is too great, and no life is completely void of hope. At the risk of sounding lame, when you hit rock bottom, there is no where left to go except up. Beware though, don't stay at rock bottom too long. Take it from me, as someone who forced himself to wallow in the depths for far too long. There is always reason to have hope, even if it is incredibly difficult to see at the moment.
Let me state something important here: this kind of thinking was not a possibility for me 10 or 15 years ago. Being in my own mind for more than 10 seconds or so would have been way too much for me to handle. In fact, an experience like the one I had this weekend would have probably driven me completely insane, or worse. For a very long time, I just did not feel like there was any hope for me. I had lived such a messed up life that I felt like that was all there was left. Gangs, drugs, violence, the loss of people in my life, desperation to live a different life, and the lack of hope were just too much. I could be out partying it up with my friends, and if a stray memory made its way in there for even a second, things would take a turn for the worse. I would either flip out, pick a fight with someone, or end up fighting with myself--a fight I have never won. Trust me; when you beat yourself up, no one emerges a winner. Now I look back, and I see how my experiences can be used to benefit others: see me in my brokenness, and see how my life has been redeemed. There really is a bright side, things do change, and you always have the opportunity to do something amazing with your life.
Over time I hope to share more with you, so you too can see that no obstacle is too great, and no life is completely void of hope. At the risk of sounding lame, when you hit rock bottom, there is no where left to go except up. Beware though, don't stay at rock bottom too long. Take it from me, as someone who forced himself to wallow in the depths for far too long. There is always reason to have hope, even if it is incredibly difficult to see at the moment.
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