Skateboarding Saved My Son’s Mental Health

Like many people around the world, the last couple of years has been difficult for my family and I. 2020 was filled with fear and uncertainty. 2021 brought some sense of normalcy back, but social distancing, masking, and other measures still took a toll.

Through all of this I thought my children were doing quite well. They were both able to attend school in-person. My older son was still playing competitive sports. It never occurred to me to check on my younger son’s mental health. He seemed okay most of the time. He spent a lot of time watching YouTube and playing video games, but I didn’t think anything was unusual.

Near the end of 2021 and beginning of 2022, I started to notice a massive change. He pretty much stopped talking, except for one word answers here and there. He began to become more withdrawn. He went from spending some of his time watching videos and playing video games to spending all of his time doing those things. A lot of unfortunate things happened in our community as well. Young people were taking their own lives with alarming frequency, and much of the discussion among many parents was now focused exclusively on mental health. Still, I thought my child was perfectly fine, until I could feel in the depths of my soul that he most definitely was not.

I thought helping him find his “thing” would help him a lot, but we had the worst time finding out what his thing was. He didn’t enjoy sports like his brother. He’s much more introverted as well. He had friends, but he didn’t like to play with them for more than a few minutes at a time. He would play with his cousins sometimes, but then withdraw again shortly after. Art was his thing for a while, but that went to pieces during the pandemic. Then one day I mentioned to him that I used to skateboard when I was his age.

My neighbor taught me to ride a skateboard back in the day. He even gave me my first real board. In those days, skateboarding was pretty much considered a crime, at least that’s how it was in our town. Skateboarders were punks and misfits. My parents hated that I was a skater — though, to be quite honest, I was not a very good skater at all. I did fit the part and dress the part well, and my friends were accepting of the fact that I was not as good as them.

Anyway, my son took an interest in these stories. Skateboarding drew a look in his eyes that I hadn’t seen in months. My older son had a cheap skateboard that he never used, so he let his brother use it. We started the way I did as a kid: riding down the short driveway in front of our house. The first time he rode all the way down without falling was amazing. His eyes lit up, he smiled, and I saw his personality shine through once again.

Skateboarding brought joy back to his life, and now he skates every day. I recently bought him a better board, helmet, and pads. We started visiting the local skatepark every weekend. He stays out there for hours at a time. He’s learning to do tricks and ride in ways that I couldn’t even imagine as a kid. After only a few months, he’s already better than I ever was, and he’s only getting better. It really is an amazing thing. I have seen him change completely from where he was just a little while ago. He has much fewer down days. He is way more social and everything in his life is showing improvement. We owe it all to skateboarding. I will never look at skaters and skateboards the same again.

A Different Kind of Celebration of Life

About a week ago, a friend of mine called and asked me to come to his father’s celebration of life. My heart sank at those words. The term celebration of life is normally used to describe an event held to honor the life of someone who has passed away. However, in this case, his father is incredibly ill but very much alive. He said he wanted to throw a huge party and give everyone the chance to show their love and appreciation for his father while he is alive — I suppose you could call it a pre-celebration of life.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was one of the most beautiful events I have ever been to. Hundreds of people came out to join us. I’m not surprised so many people came out to be a part of this different type of celebration of life. Uncle Nunu is a beloved member of the community. He has touched the lives of countless people over the last 80 years of his life. His children have also touched the lives of many others. It seemed like everyone who ever had the privilege of knowing this family in any way showed up yesterday.

Many of them came to speak with Uncle Nunu one more time. Many, like me, hadn’t seen him over the last couple of years as much we would have liked. Many of us took the time to show love and appreciation for someone who has done so much for everybody, without ever asking for anything in return. Of course, like any party my friend has ever thrown, it was huge. There was a ton of food and live music playing. It was everything a celebration of life should be, and so much more.

A celebration of life for a living person turned out to be an exceptionally fitting event for a person who has always told us this one particular thing for as long as I can remember. He has always said to not just love everyone, but be sure to tell the people in your life that you love them every day. If you give love and show love every day, you get to live a little piece of heaven every day. It will be beautiful, and you can live a little piece of heaven every day of your life. Love everyone while they are here, and make sure you show them.

Invest Your Time in Things that have Eternal Significance

Recently, I had the chance to talk with an old friend of mine. I had mentioned on social media how we should Invest our time in things that have eternal significance. Her question was: What has eternal significance? In her experience, everything is temporary. It was a great question, so I thought I would talk a little about it here.

I believe in life after this one, which has eternal significance. However, even for people who don't believe as I do, there are still things that have eternal significance. The results of our actions in this life can last long past when we are no longer here. The things we say and do carry a lot of weight. Life is definitely temporary, but the world will continue on long after you and I am gone. I hope that I am leaving people and places in a better way than when I found them. The things we do in this life, the things we invest most of our time in, will have a lasting impact on future generations. I think that's pretty significant.

Love Your Neighbor As Yourself...No Exceptions

When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus said, "The most important one is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.^' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."(Mark 12: 29-31) Simple, right?

It really does sound that simple. He basically told everyone to love God and love everyone else. All this time since his death has passed, and I would say many of us still have a lot to work on. Loving your neighbors is easy when you like your neighbors. However, loving your neighbor is not as easy when he or she is not particularly likeable. I think everyone has a story about their "bad neighbor" that no one could get along with, but we are called to love that person as well. We love to justify why it is okay to not like that person, but when Jesus spoke, he did not include any exceptions. He never said love everyone except for so and so.

Just this past week, I spent some time talking with a friend about funeral arrangements for her mother. Her mother and father lived in one state. She lives on the opposite end of the country, and the arrangements were being made in their hometown, which is in a third state. We were talking things through when she told me her dad wanted to have the mother's celebration of life in a pizza parlor. For the life of me, I could not understand why a pizza parlor. I thought perhaps her mother loved pizza, but she told me that was not the case. Her dad was not able to make arrangements with a church or church people in their hometown because she is transgender.

I could not believe what I heard. No one would help them. Where was the compassion? Shame on those churches and those who call themselves followers of Christ, but refused to help them in any way. When you choose hatred, discrimination, and intolerance over compassion, you are clearly on the wrong path. It breaks my heart that their family was turned away.

The hallmarks of our faith are supposed to be love, compassion, kindness, and acceptance. Yet, there is a pretty substantial amount of Christians who do not live this way. We should be about building longer tables, not taller fences. Unfortunately, experience tells me there are far too many fence builders out there. When a church stops welcoming people in and focuses on keeping people out, it is no longer a church, it is nothing more than a social club. This is completely unacceptable.

Best Day Ever

2018 was a challenging year for me. I didn't do much blogging or teach many lessons. I wrote a couple of books, and I still often talked with people about trying to live life to the fullest. But if I am being completely honest, I don't think I was living my best life very often in 2018. Moreover, the end of 2018 was incredibly difficult.

Right before Thanksgiving, a friend of mine suddenly lost his son. He was just a little boy, not much older than my own. His death affected a lot of people. They are a well-known family loved by many in the community. What I didn't know then was something his son used to say would stick with so many people and teach them to live each day to the fullest extent possible.

When they would go on adventures, trips, or just do something really fun, his son would say it was "the best day ever." When they were preparing his memorial, they printed "Best Day Ever" on shirts. It was also in all of their social media posts. Many people learned this in a small amount of time and what it meant, and many people I know hold this phrase in their heart. Several times a week, I see someone talking about having another "Best Day Ever" moment. It's really awesome.

People from all walks of life talk about this now, and everyone knows what it means. Young people, old people, rich, poor, and everyone in between are trying to live their best life and are talking about another "Best Day Ever." It really is a beautiful thing. For many, it simply means to enjoy the little things, tell people you love them, being present in the moment, and making the most of your time while you are alive.

Life is too short and unpredictable to live any other way. It's too easy to get caught up in the repetition, routines, and busyness of life. Don't get so caught up in the busyness of day to day life that you forget what makes life worth living. Nothing is guaranteed, not even tomorrow. Every day that we are alive is a blessing. Try every day to make it the "Best Day Ever."

Stop Trying to Argue People Into Believing

Some things that have been happening recently have me thinking about my experience at a Christian conference I attended not too long ago.

During one of the breakout sessions, I went to hear a speaker named Josh Urich speak on Reaching Millennials in an Age of Unbelief. I enjoyed the talk. He offered a lot of advice and techniques for reaching a largely atheist population. I believe the approach he presented was good. They were techniques I already employ which really validated my own thoughts and approach to reaching atheists. However, I also found something during his talk that continues to be a problem among the Christian population: the need to argue.

The main point Mr. Urich presented early on was to not argue. There is no point in arguing with an atheist. You cannot argue truth, facts, or opinions and expect to win. You can’t debate science versus creation. Even if you do happen to “win,” you still lose. No one ever became a Christian because they lost an argument. I, among many others, know this to be true. Unfortunately, during question and answer time of this session, this is exactly what happened. Several members of the audience felt compelled to argue their points. As is the case many times when Christians are told not to argue, they immediately begin to argue.

I find this strange because we were all there to learn about reaching a generation of individuals that hate the church, yet some members of the audience felt the need to be defensive. Mind you, none of them offered anything that would help anyone else reach, well, anyone. I wanted to encourage the group and Mr. Urich by validating what he said with my own experience, but the arguers dominated the conversation from that point on. Personally, I left the room when the arguments turned to blaming and finger-pointing instead of productive dialogue.

With this message, I want to discuss what has worked for me in reaching an atheist. This is what I would of talked about during the session had I been given the chance. Of course it begins with the very first point presented at the session: do not argue. Arguing never works. I don’t claim to have all the answers, and my approach only worked once so far, but I can tell you that my friend, who was once an atheist, is now a believer. I figure reaching one atheist is still better than none. Also, there are no quick fixes. It took 10 years for my friend to become a believer.

When I met Kyle (in order to maintain his privacy his has been changed) he had been an atheist most of his life. He hated the church with a passion. He would often say things like, “If God exists let him strike me down right now, or now, or now.” One time I was nearby when a holier than thou type of Christian decided to tell him that he was going to hell for talking about God like that. His response, “I hope so. Who would want to go to heaven if they have to be around people like you forever?” For whatever reason, we still became friends. I used to train in martial arts, and he loved martial arts, so that was our connection early on. We would watch fights on television and talk about great matches from the past. I found out about his hate for the church when I wore a cross to his house one day. He literally looked at me like I had committed a crime. The first words out of his mouth were, “Why are you wearing that crap around your neck?”

After explaining to him that I worked at a church, he calmly stated that he was an atheist, and we moved on. We remained friends, and even became really good friends over time. However, from time-to-time he would have something negative to say about the church, and we would talk about it a little, and then move on before a larger argument could occur. It turned out we had similar dislikes about the things he would find about so-called “believers.” For instance, I do not condone the actions of the Westboro Baptist Church, which was easy for us to agree upon.

Occasionally, he would bring up something like dinosaurs versus creationism. In response, I would usually say you know, “to God a thousand years is like a day and a day is like a thousand years.” It also helped that I actually liked dinosaurs and science, so there were things we could talk about. It didn’t have to be an argument. The point is that I never argued with him. Sometimes he would go on long rants and tirades on social media about his hate for God and the various churches, but I would never engage him. There was no reason to. There’s no reason to engage in an argument or debate with any atheist, especially when they are just trying to make you angry.

After a couple of years, one day he was at my house, and we were having one of our small discussions about churches and such, mostly because I’ve always worked at or been a part of one. At the end, he said, “Maybe there is a God, but his followers suck.” To which I replied, “Yeah, a lot of them do.” This became the only real argument I ever won in any of our discussions. After that, he helped me write a sermon one time. I included him as an example in a bunch after that. He always said he didn’t mind, as long as he never had to physically be a part of it. He even watched me preach in a rebroadcast of one of our church’s services. He told me afterward that he thought it was pretty good.

Throughout the years he would still need to vent or rant about things he didn’t like. I would find small opportunities to answer his questions or add one of my thoughts about scripture or theology. No matter what: we would move on. Our talks were always civil and no one blew up over any of the subjects we ever talked about. You don’t destroy a relationship over a disagreement. At some point, you just have to say, “I’m not here to argue with you about it.” If you can’t let it go and move on, then chances are you cannot remain friends.

Fast forward to today. He moved away a couple of years ago, so we do not talk as much. He came home to celebrate his son’s first birthday about a month ago. It was like no time passed at all, except for one major change. When no one else was around he pulled me aside to talk about something. He wanted me to know that he now believed in God. He had a God moment. Something had happened that he firmly believed could not have been anything but God.

He said at a bad time in his life he prayed and God answered; therefore, he would honor his promise to God and accept Jesus Christ. He just thought I should know, since I had put up with him all those years. All praise, honor, and glory goes to God for this victory. I always believed he would come around one day. God had a plan for him all along. All I had to do was stay the course and be there for my friend.

In the end, it’s all relational. We need to form genuine relationships and show God’s love and grace through our actions. It can’t be about winning arguments. Arguments and debates will never produce a positive outcome. I know many of us still believe we can somehow argue, debate, or steamroll people into accepting Jesus. It doesn’t work that way. God is already working on hearts. We just need to stay the course and be there to love them along the way. Regardless of their beliefs, God does indeed love them all, and we should too.

I'm Back!

It's been a while since I last blogged about anything. I had to go through some things and let a bunch of stuff go. I honestly thought I didn't have anything left to say.

I still speak with people often and work with children and youth of various ages. Not much has changed. However, a sizeable number of people told me they missed my blog. They still want to hear what I have to say about various topics that many still don't like to discuss. They also feel I gave a voice to those who could not speak for themselves, and for that reason alone, I should continue to write, speak, and blog.

So, I am back. I hope to tackle some of the tougher topics, as the world we live in continues to become more uncertain. Thank you for reading and following me on this part of the journey!